Apparently in order to make life more manageble for people with ADD (AD/HD) one need's to have a day planner in either electric or handwritten form. Not only do they need this they need to become a slave to it. Now, I don't know about you, but I live in the United States of America and slavery was abolished in the late 1800's.
OK, I'm being a tad melodramatic here but the past month I've begun to hate my "little Life saver." I write in it but fail to look at it.
I see people without ADD use these things and seem to get along fine. But I've begun to resent the NEED to use one to maintain any sense of calm and order in my life. Just being able to acknowledge those facts brings on a mild sense of freedom. But - it's probably a false sense. You see, my lovely red leather covered Planner Pad does in fact keep me semi organized. There are still things left undone each day and carried over to the next but they are there in black and white and will get done eventually.
The resentment lies in the fact that those things that don't get done keep nagging me and then I feel like I've not accomplished anything.
I guess I need to be a little kinder to myself and just keep plodding along until there is less that get's carried over to the next day or week or month.
Maybe "be kind to yourself" should be a task on my to do list...
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Monday, September 17, 2007
The Accidental Life
Hello, I would say that I've lived my life mostly by accident. Nothing in my life was planned by me. I never asked to be conceived so that was pretty much by accident. I never gave a thought to what I would grow up to be and here I am 54 years old and still haven't figured THAT one out. I've pretty much rambled through life living by accident. I was never really goal oriented except for the fact that I wanted a roof over my head, some food in the fridge and a car in the garage so I had to work, however never considered developing a career. BUT - here it is 27 years later and I'm still working for the same agency so I guess I've had a career.
Now here comes the kicker - about 10 years ago, give or take a few I was diagnosed with depression and a side of anxiety. Tried the new generation of anti-depressants but they kind of aggrivated the anxiety and made it worse (ever experience a 12 hour panic attack?). So, not wanting to sleep through life (which would have happened had I tried the old generation of anti-depressants) I tried to use herbal remedies. Found out they helped you gain weight.
Not wanting to add more weight to an already obese body I quit the herbal stuff. BUT, finally found a good MD for women's issues and was diagnosed with ...are you ready for it?.. ADD of all things.
After much research on the web I discovered that ADD or AD/HD can easily be missed in girls and after years of not being properly diagnosed and treated can show up as/and/or along side of depression/anxiety and a host of other mental problems. Now I'm on a medication that takes care of the ADD and low and behold - I am no longer depressed and haven't had a panic attack in I can't remember when.
ADD can hide for years and be masked if you are pretty intelligent. But, perimenopause and menopause with it's host of problems can trigger a ferocious upswing in ADD symptoms. A major symptom is orgizational deficit and I really struggle with that one. For the past 10 years or so my life has relatively spun out of control and now after working for the same agency I'm getting negative performance appraisals. They even attempted to tag me as insubordinate. Didn't stick BUT now I'm constantly in a battle for my job.
I also struggle with the fact of ADD in my life. I don't want to run my life by my organizer, I want my life to burst forth with beautiful spontenaity but that's what gets me hot water. I hate schedulers and being tied to them but if I don't use them my life spins out of control.
The reason I'm writing this Blog is for those out there who may be experiencing the same struggles I am. If you are, I would strongly encourage you to research ADD and take the screeners that are on the web. If you feel you've tested positively on the screeners, make an appointment with your Doctor or a Psychiatrist who specializes in ADD - AD/HD and go from there. If you end up diagnosed with Adult ADD I wish you success on your journey. I know it will be an adventure!
Now here comes the kicker - about 10 years ago, give or take a few I was diagnosed with depression and a side of anxiety. Tried the new generation of anti-depressants but they kind of aggrivated the anxiety and made it worse (ever experience a 12 hour panic attack?). So, not wanting to sleep through life (which would have happened had I tried the old generation of anti-depressants) I tried to use herbal remedies. Found out they helped you gain weight.
Not wanting to add more weight to an already obese body I quit the herbal stuff. BUT, finally found a good MD for women's issues and was diagnosed with ...are you ready for it?.. ADD of all things.
After much research on the web I discovered that ADD or AD/HD can easily be missed in girls and after years of not being properly diagnosed and treated can show up as/and/or along side of depression/anxiety and a host of other mental problems. Now I'm on a medication that takes care of the ADD and low and behold - I am no longer depressed and haven't had a panic attack in I can't remember when.
ADD can hide for years and be masked if you are pretty intelligent. But, perimenopause and menopause with it's host of problems can trigger a ferocious upswing in ADD symptoms. A major symptom is orgizational deficit and I really struggle with that one. For the past 10 years or so my life has relatively spun out of control and now after working for the same agency I'm getting negative performance appraisals. They even attempted to tag me as insubordinate. Didn't stick BUT now I'm constantly in a battle for my job.
I also struggle with the fact of ADD in my life. I don't want to run my life by my organizer, I want my life to burst forth with beautiful spontenaity but that's what gets me hot water. I hate schedulers and being tied to them but if I don't use them my life spins out of control.
The reason I'm writing this Blog is for those out there who may be experiencing the same struggles I am. If you are, I would strongly encourage you to research ADD and take the screeners that are on the web. If you feel you've tested positively on the screeners, make an appointment with your Doctor or a Psychiatrist who specializes in ADD - AD/HD and go from there. If you end up diagnosed with Adult ADD I wish you success on your journey. I know it will be an adventure!
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