I know I'm one day late but I'm kind of sad about it cause I didn't spend it with my proudly Irish husband. We are making sacrifices so I can be with my mother 4 nights out of the week. Part of that sacrifice is not spending St. Patrick's day together. We did have the normal corned beef and cabbage dinner but it's just not the same.
Don't get me wrong, I volunteered to be with my mom and my husband supports the decision. Really I find it a blessing to spend this time with her. Yes, she often gets on my last nerve but so do a lot of other people. I'm pretty much a "I woke up with a good attitude, but then idiots happened" kind of person. Throw enough idiots (or sheep, hi Wendy) in my path and I get a pretty short fuse to snippy. But, even with my personality defects as they are, I wouldn't trade this time with my mom for anything. My mom has always been witty, charming and hysterically funny. We have a lot of fun when we feel up to it. I just wish I could spend more time with my husband. I miss him.
I've always said that my mother would not go into a nursing home and I still believe this. I truly believe that Europeans have it right when the families take in and care for their grandmas and grandpas until the end. I like that culture where life is not "thrown into an institution" for the convenience of the younger generations. Since when is it OK for us to think of our families as an inconvenience? When did a life become a commodity to be thrown away when it's no longer useful or convenient? How does one determine the usefulness of a human life? Who can be that arrogant? Somebody kick this soap box out from under me.
Anyway, all this to say, I love my husband and my mother and feel so blessed to have them both in my life. It's just kind of bittersweet that 5 hours, 5 days or 5 years, this is the last chance I have to hear my mother's voice, touch her face, laugh with her, ride in the car to explore some new corner of Illinois with her and until she leaves this world, each time will always be the last time. I'm ready, but I don't have to like it.
So, today I'm grateful for:
1. The life I've had so far
2. That my Mother was part of it
3. Laughter
4. Hearing my mother walking around in her room above my head.
5. Lessons that my mother taught me.
