Week one

It's been a week since I took Gabbi in to the vet for her last visit.  I pick up her ashes next Tuesday.  I'm having a difficult time getting over her.  She was the purest being I ever knew.  People who say that animals don't have souls or spirits must be wrong.  My Gabbi was living proof of that.  Dogs live in the now.  That's why they so easily forgive.  They're on to the next thing before our human emotions catch up. If you've hurt them, they've moved on and are ready to live and love.  However, if you teach them to be aggressive, they will be aggressive only to please you.  That's the nature of dogs.  They have been domesticated to the point where they only want to please whomever provides the food, the alpha.  Gabbi lived to make me happy.  When I was sad she'd come up to me with a look on her face that told me she wanted to understand and sympathize with me.  She'd jump in my lap and kiss me in a doggy attempt to make me feel better.  To Gabbi, Kevin and I were her world, even to the end when she acted like she didn't know who we were, she KNEW that she wanted to be with us.  When we finally had to restrict her to the utility room with a baby gate, she was happiest when we were in the kitchen and she could see us.  She was even happier when we opened the gate and she could come into the kitchen and be with us.

I know that some people may think I'm a little off the wall "grieving" over a dog for so long but I may grieve even longer, it depends.  I've checked out web sites for pet loss and according to them there are no rules for mourning over a lost pet.  So I'm gonna make my own rules and cry as much as I need to.

This is the last picture I took of Gabbi.  I took it with my cell phone in the car just before I took her into the vet for the last time.  She looks like she knows.  My arms miss holding her and rocking her.  I want her back so much it hurts.