Not normally however, lately that's how I think I'm acting. Some days I'm ok and other days I'm crying my eyes dry. Welcome to the roller coaster called grief. The only thing I gotta say right now is don't EVER suck it up and try to be strong when you have a reason to grieve. I honestly believe I'm making up for all the times I sucked it up and forced myself to look strong to others. I know I've had a really bad 3 year run since I lost my job in October 2009 but I thought this past year was going ok until 2 months ago when the VA demanded I bend over again. Believe me, if you're under a GS 7 in the VA your real job description is bend over and say "thank you, go deeper" with enthusiasm. Then Gabbi died. It's like all the important things in my life have been literally ripped from me.
So it goes. One day I'm not necessarily up but I'm at least OK, then the next day waterworks. Apparently this is ok and I'm normal. Why doesn't it feel that way? I can play the ADHD card and say that all my life I've felt outside of normal and that would be a valid observance. I'm always checking myself to make sure I'm behaving "normally." But what is normal? I have a sneaking suspicion that it's an illusion conjured up by the psychological community. Oh sure they SAY that they base this on statistical data but show much of that data has been skewed? I say lets put the "FUN" back in dysFUNctional! Blaise Pascal said it best when he said that it was so necessary to be mad that not to be mad was it's own form of madness.
Anyway, for today, I'm ok and that's all I have to work with. After all, that's all we're promised, today. Jesus said it best in Matthew 6:34 "So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." NASB
So today I'm thankful for:
1. The Bible, God's Word
2. Psychology and the laughs it provides
3. Beef Chow Fun and Egg Rolls
4. My bed
5. Internet shopping and 40% off deals. Yippee!!! Merry Christmas to me!!!!!!!!!!
Until next time.
Jan
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