This past year I have reconnected with friends from my childhood and I'm so surprised at how well those friendships have handled the test of time. Thank you Jax.
I still haven't decided what to do with Gabbi though. The biggest thing I've missed with her this past year is that she hasn't slept with me in my bed. Since it's a select comfort bed and can be unzipped I thought it would be nice to double bag Gabbi in 2 gallon sized freezer bags and place her down by my feet between the air bag and the zippered cover over which I place 2 mattress pads and a fitted sheet. I know it sounds weird and creepy but people keep the ashes of their loved ones and pets on mantles and other places in their homes forever. Heck, Joan Rivers scattered Edgar's ashes on the sets of the Tonight Show and Dave Letterman. What happened to Edgar when the clean up crew vacuumed him up? I thought of scattering Gabbi on the property at my mom's home but that doesn't seem right to me. She was always happiest with me and Kevin. With her in bed at least I get to know where she is and that she's warm and comfortable, plus I won't really feel her down there by my feet.
I don't know. I may just keep her in the canister they'll give me. At this point it's no longer about her comfort but mine. I really don't want to let her go and the bed thing seems to be the best way to keep her around just until I CAN let go.
I do know that it's my call and no one else's. It hasn't been 2 weeks yet and it still really hurts. I was so grateful that my neighbor was walking by the post office when I opened up the package that contained the photos of Gabbi that my friend had matted and made to look like a painting. Jessie came inside to comfort me cause she saw what I had opened up and knew how it would effect me. Jessie was with me as I held Gabbi in my kitchen just before taking her to the vet. She helped Kevin and I say our goodbyes to our Gabbi girl. Throughout this experience I have been shown how blessed I really am with friends and neighbors.
So today I'm grateful for:
1. Truly good neighbors
2. Truly golden lifelong friends
3. Humor (c'mon - that bit about Joan Rivers and Edgars ashes WAS funny)
4. Emotional Sensitivity (it REALLY does equal emotional strength)
5. My husband who loves me just the way I am, even though sometimes I don't think so.
Later.
Jan
PS - speaking of my neighbor, she has a delightfully beautiful 3 y/o girl named Kyra who calls me "hey neighbor" and I love it. Kyra calls my husband the same thing. We've sort of adopted them.
SO I'm also very grateful for a 3 y/o little girl named Kyra who calls me by my new name "hey neighbor" and her mom who will have a lot to handle when Kyra grows up.
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