Yeah for the 70's

In the 70's Elizabeth Kubler-Ross was not only one of the first women to have a hyphenated name but she came up with the 5 stages of dying.  For everyone who worked in medicine it was a ground breaking work and published in a book called "Death and Dying" that flew off the shelves.  Anyone who was diagnosed with a terminal illness now had a guidebook on how to react normally to the news that they had a shorter time on earth than everyone else.  Now they use her model for grieving.  Some groups add 7 stages.

Now that I know there's a guide on how I should react to Gabbi's death I'm a little more confused.  In the first stage of grief the 5 and 7 stage models propose that the grievers are in shock and deny the terminal event.  OK, I'm NOT in shock and I made the appointment for Gabbi's terminal event.  I held her while the vet injected the terminal event chemical.  I held her while her heart stopped.  I kissed her and sang to her before she got the sedative prior to her terminal event.  She died knowing that her mommy was holding her and loving her all the way to heaven.  I'm not in denial that she's gone.  I'm not angry that she's no longer suffering dementia.  I'm certainly not arrogant enough to think that I can bargain with God, what would I bargain with?  Certainly I miss her and there are times my arms literally ache to hold her and take back that final few minutes with her.  But if I truly love her, I believe she's truly better off where she is and I'll wait until I reunite with her in heaven.

There is one guide for grieving that has only 3 stages - makes much more sense.  They even say it could take up to 2 years to stop grieving depending upon the strength of the relationship.

The only thing I do question is the strength of my grief.  It feels like all the times I've held it in when major people in my life have passed away are all snowballing in on me.  I don't think I ever cried this much for my dad.  BUT, it IS DECEMBER - my worst month.  Nothing like memories of Christmas past to start my waterworks.  I really miss all those people and traditions of my youth.  I especially miss the wonder of Christmas.  Frankly, I've never been a happy Christmas adult.  AND, it hasn't been 3 weeks yet so maybe I should be lighter on myself.

So, today I'm grateful for

1.  The 3 stage model of Grief
2.  Memories of Gabbi and Christmas even if they make me cry
3.  Blogging
4.  The internet so I can research how to grieve normally
5.  Humor

Later....